That Was Then

When I see Campbell now at eight months old in all her smiley, chunkiness...it's sometimes easy to forget her rocky start to this world. As you may recall if you were around in December, we discovered shortly after Campbell's birth that she had a Group B Strep infection. Our baby girl was sick. Very sick. This infection, if not caught early and treated, is often fatal in babies. By the grace of God, the infection was caught very early, had not crept into her spinal column, and responded well to the antibiotic treatment she was given. After a grueling twelve days in the hospital, they handed us our perfectly healthy baby girl and sent us home to start our new lives together.

Not everyone is so lucky and I was reminded of this over the weekend. After our stay in the NICU, Travis and I agreed that if we ever picked a cause to give money to, we'd love to give to the Levine Children's Hospital where Campbell stayed. But at this point in our lives, there isn't an abundant supply of extra cash to make huge donations to the hospital. We do have something to give though - and that is our time. That is why I was so looking forward to attending an informational meeting to volunteer on a family council at the hospital.

Children were welcome to attend the Saturday morning meeting, so Campbell and I went while Travis did a long morning workout. For an hour and a half, we sat around a table in a conference room at the hospital in awe of the stories we heard, the struggles, the small and large victories. Each parent there has either had or currently has a child in the hospital. Their stories were very moving. Campbell was very sick, I cannot make light of that. But her sickness was so minor compared to the stories I heard. Some families will be going through heart surgeries for years to come, chemotherapy, genetic disorders, and even coping with the loss of a child. The stories were heartbreaking.

But there was another aspect of this meeting that was far from heartbreaking. It was heartwarming. These parents who have been through so much, and many who continue the fight for their childrens' health, somehow find the time to volunteer. They just want to find a way to make it a little easier for the next parent who has to go through it. I was so touched by this. I was also very comforted when one of the parents said that it doesn't matter how sick your child is. There's no comparison game. If your child is sick, your child is sick. It doesn't matter that someone else's child is sicker. Your primary concern and worry is your own child's recovery. That is very true. The fact that other babies were more sick than my own didn't diminish the fear I felt one bit. This point was made by a mom whose daughter has been in and out of the hospital for her entire life. It amazed me that she could understand my fear and sadness after all she had been through.

For months after Campbell was born, I had a hard time looking at the pictures of her when she was first born because it made me so sad to see her hooked up to all the wires. Let's be honest, it still makes me sad. The pictures bring back the emotions that I felt when we learned that she was not well and wouldn't be coming home with us. I remember so well how I felt like I'd been kicked in the chest when the nurse practitioner told us she had the infection and they'd be doing the spinal tap in a few hours. When I see the pictures from that night, it takes me back and I have to remind myself that things turned out OK - something I didn't know would happen that night. For the longest time, I couldn't watch A Baby Story on TLC, which was one of my favorite shows, because it made me sad to see all the normal births and healthy babies. I guess I was mourning the fact that we didn't have that picture perfect hospital stay and trip home together. But as she grows older and the months pass, it's become a little easier for me to accept. We got the best gift ever - which was a CURABLE infection and an absolutely precious baby. I have to look at those first pictures and think, 'that was then, this is now'. I need to cherish the memories of her first few days, even if it wasn't what I had imagined. I need to be thankful each and everyday for her health and for our health, something I know I take for granted all too often.

I'm not sure if I'll get the opportunity to serve on this committee at the hospital or not. There is a selection process involved and they are looking for parents with a wide range of experiences in the children's hospital to share. I hope there is a spot for me to try and help someone that may end up in a situation like ours. But if not, I hope I'll find some other way to give back. After all, they took care of my baby and no matter how hard I try, I will never be able to say thank you enough for that.

You all know what Campbell looks like now. So below I'll share a few pictures from the beginning. You've come a long way, baby!!

That Was Then

The first time I held her in the NICU. I have never been more scared in my life. First Night in the Hospital

One by one the tubes came off.She was eventually well enough to get a much-needed bath...And finally some clothes!

It's hard to believe that this was how it all started. But it's our story, and we are thankful for the "Then" and the "Now."