Smile :)

In today's world of technology, I feel like I almost have too many ways to share pictures of Campbell! First, I send picture messages from my phone all the time to my family and sometimes my friends. Then I send out Kodak albums from time to time. I post pictures on Facebook. And I post pictures on here. It seems kind of redundant to me, but I just reminded myself how important it is for me to post pictures here. My master plan is to print out all the pages of the blog and put it in a binder for Campbell to read someday. And for us too - it'll probably be hilarious to read this years from now. I am not very artsy or crafty, so that will be my ghetto version of a scrapbook. So, these pictures may be redundant for some who have gotten the picture messages, seen them on Facebook, or gotten the Kodak albums. But...these are my favorites and this is the most important place for me to store pictures of our little cupcake. That way, if I ever get around to printing it all out...we'll have a snapshot of this moment in our lives!

By the way, this morning Campbell smiled at me. Really smiled at me. Not in her sleep, not followed by a loud diaper-related noise...just a genuine smile in reaction to the goofy song I made up about making her a bottle. It was followed by several smiles, direct stares at me, and then...she reached for my mouth while I was laughing at her. Total and utter bliss! Travis said she has been flashing him some smiles here and there too. What a sweet reward for all our hard work!!

Trara or Savis?

It's been a busy week for Campbell and I. Doing what? I couldn't tell you. The thing about having a new baby is everything is a blur. Travis gets home from work and I feel like I've been running around busy all day. Yet I look around and can't seem to remember what I did all day, or understand why my to do lists are ever-growing. I never wanted to be a cliche - that whole "I don't have time to shower" mentality of new moms always seemed like a cliche to me. Yesterday I took a shower at 5pm, and had to put on a Tony Award worthy performance for Campbell while I dried my hair just to entertain her. I get it now!

Last week we started trying to let Campbell sleep in her crib in her own room at night. It's working! Not 100% of the time. But we are consistently trying to put her down in there at night and more often than not, she sleeps most of the night in her crib. When I say most of the night, I don't mean she's sleeping through the night. I mean when she is asleep, at nighttime hours, it's usually in her room. :) We've started establishing a bedtime routine with her which seems to help get her in the mood for catching some zzz's. Someday we'll figure all this out - probably as we are moving her into her dorm room at college...

Here's an interesting fact - who knew we were so hip? Campbell has the same carseat as Brad and Angelina's twins!! We were grocery shopping Friday night (yes, that was our family outing) and we spotted a tabloid where they were carrying the twins. Sure enough, they were in the Graco Safe Seats, in French Roast! I was surprised to see their babies in such a 'normal' infant carrier. I mean, it's nice...but it's just your run of the mill car seat. Anyway, we thought that was pretty cool. Maybe people will start to call us Trara. Or Savis.

We attempted to take Campbell to church on Sunday. Yeah...didn't work. She was wide awake when we got there and listened wide-eyed to the music. Our church is LOUD - and she seemed to enjoy that part. Of course her mood changed when the loud music stopped and the pastor took the stage. As soon as it got quiet in church, Campbell got loud. We tried to calm her in the lobby, but left soon after and went to Friendly's for some breakfast. There, she rested peacefully. Nice...our child prefers breakfast over God. :)

Constant

I was laying in bed last night trying to fall asleep and that is when this thought came to me. It amazes me that I have to put any effort into falling asleep these days, but I find that once I finally get Campbell settled it sometimes takes me a few minutes to unwind. Totally out of character for me, I'm usually one to fall asleep in an instant. But anyway, I digress. So miraculously, Campbell had just gone to sleep without a fight in her pack-n-play. I think this was around 1:30 a.m. maybe? And the word "constant" just popped into my head. It really did, I don't make this stuff up. Constant. Everything about Campbell is constant to me. And that is not a negative thing. I think often the word "constant" carries a negative connotation. Like the phone is constantly ringing, that kind of thing.

But for me and my wandering thoughts in the middle of the night, constant had a whole list of meanings that started running through my head. The first was the obvious one and probably why I thought of it in the first place. Campbell requires my constant attention. Yesterday was a long day, partially because the night before had been a rough one. Travis had to work late, and I realized at about 7 p.m. yesterday that I had not done a single thing the entire day that wasn't entirely focused on taking care of Campbell. It wasn't that I necessarily minded it, it was just exhausting, and well...constant! She needed to be held, to be fed, to be changed, to be given her paci, to be entertained. She just needed me. Constantly! That is both overwhelming and beautiful at the same time. It's a huge responsibility but it comes with great joy.

The next constant that came to my mind was my worry. I worry about her constantly. And again, worry doesn't necessarily have to be a bad thing. I just have a constant desire to check on her, to nurture her, to make sure she is ok and happy. Even when I'm just across the room, I find myself just itching to check on her every few minutes. I lean down to hear that sweet little whisper sound she makes when she breathes in her sleep. I want to tickle her big cheeks, or let her grab my finger. I constantly worry about whether or not I'm doing everything I can for her. You only get one shot at this. Each day I have the opportunity to give her the best that I can on that day...and then that day is gone and there's a new day to tackle. Is she eating enough (ok, I'm pretty sure I can move on from that and find something new to worry about), why isn't she sleeping, does she have a tummy ache, why is she sneezing, the list goes on.

Then in my late night deep thoughts, constant had a happier, less stressful meaning for me. Campbell and her Daddy are my constants. It's really a cool feeling to have this new little family of three and realize that we are each other's constants. To know that the three of us will always be together. To know that we will all change and grow and our situation will evolve, but still...at the end of the day, there will still be me, Travis and Campbell. And probably more will be added to that list at some point, but I know for sure that I will unconditionally, CONSTANTLY love those two. That's the nicest constant I can think of. And at that, I fell asleep. :)

Soul Food

After a long cold weekend, I came down with a severe case of cabin fever. Severe! Campbell and I planned to go watch her Daddy play in his CPA basketball league yesterday (yes, it exists, don't even ask). But it was too cold and it coincided with her lunchtime, so we stayed home and the cabin fever got worse. By last night, Travis knew he had to come to my rescue. The three of us went to Sushi at the Lake. I hadn't had sushi since before I was pregnant. They say fish is brain food. I think that the sushi worked more on my soul than my brain. I really needed a night out with my husband and a change of scenery. Campbell slept through our dinner where I thoroughly enjoyed some sushi and a nice glass of red wine. Another treat I'd been missing dearly! Not to mention having a date night with Travis - it was really nice. It's amazing how a plate of raw fish can change your attitude. OK, the tempura ice cream didn't hurt either. I had to keep all this in mind when I was waging war with the paci for hours last night. That darn thing will NOT stay in Campbell's mouth, yet she insists on having it some nights. Campbell and I took a nap in her rocking chair for several hours in the middle of the night. Then Campbell slept in her bouncy seat IN the pack-n-play. Hey, whatever works!

Campbell had another doctor's visit today for her one-month check-up. Yes, she's almost 6 weeks old, but they are catching up on visits. I swear I think they just want to squeeze in all their co-pays. But that's fine, I welcome the opportunity to hear that she's fine and we really like our pediatrician. He is super nice, actually listens and doesn't rush me when I have questions. I think it's rare to find a doctor that doesn't seem to be in a hurry. She also has a little minor eye infection we're treating and some bumps on her face I wanted him to look at. The doctor gave her a perfect report and the eye and the face bumps are just fine. Get this - 10 lbs 12 oz!! She is in the 90th percentile for weight!! My girl likes to eat!!

Holy Spit

After our big outing to church yesterday, Campbell was still pretty alert for most of the day and evening! Our friend Mary came to visit last night after work, and Campbell was awake the entire time! She cuddled with Mary for a while and even spit up on her. Nice, I'm sure Mary appreciated that. Then once Mary left, Campbell was STILL awake. Travis and I were so pumped. She was up from about 5-9 p.m. which we assumed meant we had a long restful night ahead of us. WRONG! Remember what I said yesterday about things changing once you figure them out? So true! Campbell had a very restless night, which meant I was up and down all night. I try to handle the middle of the night stuff so Travis can be somewhat rested for work. After all, someone has to bring home the bacon!! After hours of tossing and turning, walking, swaying, replacing the darn paci that will NOT stay in that cute little mouth...I was exhausted and feeding Campbell around 5 a.m. I sat her up to burp her and she spit up on my pj pants. OK, no big deal, has happened many times before. She ate some more, and I put her up on my shoulder to burp and take a breather. She nestled her little face into my neck and I thought, oh how sweet, she's cuddling. Nope, she was just looking for a creative new way to shower me with spit up. She spit up into my neck and right down my shirt. Soaked! OK, so at this point my entire right side is warm and wet. So I switch her to my left shoulder to assess the damage. You guessed it! She then spit up over my shoulder and down my back, soaking the back of me as well as the blanket over the back of our chair. At this point, I had to change. So I had to wake Daddy up to take a shift while I found some dry clothes and searched for some patience as well. Travis sensed my frustration and was sweet enough to take Campbell downstairs to rest for a couple of hours so I could sleep. I slept HARD. He had to wake me up to tell me he was leaving for work, and he had Campbell sleeping soundly next to me in her pack-n-play. WHEW! What a night...and Campbell is exhausted and sleeping as I type. Go figure...

Paci's and Metallica

It's been quite a week! It's very true what my Mom told me - that as soon as you figure something out about a baby, they change. Be it their routine, their personality...it is constantly changing. A perfect example of this phenomenon is what soothes my baby. On Sunday I would've said it was her paci, hands down. Today, I'd say it's Metallica. :) Keep reading for an explanation way down below.


Starting Monday, I have been entirely on my own while Travis is at work - no Grandmas! I've gotten a taste of what it's like to be home alone all day with a newborn. It's far from easy, but it's definitely doable. I have gotten out of the house with her on several occasions. Today was the biggest ordeal of all. My Thursday morning women's Bible study at church started up again. Not only did we have to be somewhere at a specific time, that specific time happened to be 9:15. That's pretty early for us to get going! It took me a good two hours to get ready and out of the house. But we did it! Campbell somehow managed to make it through the whole morning without fussing, even though I stretched her an hour past her feeding time! I was so proud of her. I dressed her up in adorable pink polka dots and thoroughly enjoyed showing her off. It was very cool to introduce her to these friends since they met me for the first time when I was very pregnant. They have never seen me without a baby on the front of me! Of course I enjoyed letting everyone ooh and aah over her and tell me how sweet my baby is. Campbell wanted to make sure everyone knew she was there. She waited until prayer time to start grunting REALLY loud. The vast majority of the women are stay at home moms, so they seemed to think it was cute and laughed with me. I was a bit nervous about her being disruptive and kept watching the clock, anxious to see if she'd make it home before wailing for food. She did!!! I'm sure each week it'll get a little easier and I'll relax more. Once she's a little older, I'll send her to the nursery instead of keeping her with me. It was really, REALLY nice to get out and see friends, to wear pants with a waistband, to put on make-up, and to have somewhere I "needed" to be.


Also this week, Campbell has kept us on our toes at bedtime. The beginning of the week was pretty brutal. I spent 3 hours one night by her pack-n-play, putting the paci back in her mouth every 3 minutes. The NICU started the paci, and I was cursing the paci on many occasions this week. We adjusted, and have had two good nights, paci-free. For now, paci's are for daytime, and they do save the day at times (i.e. this morning at church, paci was the only reason we made it through the whole two hours!). I also introduced Campbell to the cd her Aunt Jennifer gave her. It's these gorgeous lullabies, very soft, pretty music. But if you listen carefully, you'll find yourself humming along, and realize...oh my God, this is a Metallica song. Yes, that's right, it's Metallica lullabies! So funny, and sooooooooooo my sister. I read that starting a bedtime routine will help Campbell know it's nighttime. So during our night feedings, we listen to Metallica with the lights dim, and rock in her room. (By rock, I mean rock in the rocker, not rock like we're at a Metallica show). She loves it, and I know it will make her Aunt Jen proud. :) Last night the Metallica got her so relaxed, she slept for a five-hour stretch!! Amazing!!!!! I felt like I'd won the lottery when she didn't wake me up until three a.m.



So things are going well, not without challenges...but pretty well. We just have to wake up each day and see what kind of curve ball this sweet baby will throw us that day, and try to adapt. Historically, handling change has not been my forte, but I'm learning and we are all surviving.

Here is a picture of my two favorite people in the whole world. I have dreamed of this image right here for so long. I took this the other night when Travis came home from work. This picture melts me.

One Month Old!

Campbell is one month old today! We plan to take her picture with this teddy bear each month to document her growth. And then I stole the idea of the sign from our friends who just did that with their baby - will make it so easy to compare the pictures over time. This teddy bear is special. It was given to Campbell in the NICU with a tag around its neck that read "To a special child from a caring listener." There was a radiothon from a local station to raise money for the children's hospital. The back of the tag still says Baby Girl Justice. We were so touched and taken aback when we realized that strangers were raising money for the hospital that was helping our baby. You just never think you'll be in that situation. So anyway, we thought it would be very fitting to use this special bear to document her growth.

I had the bright idea to stage our photo shoot after bath and feeding time. About 10 seconds after her one month picture, Campbell spit up all over herself (mind you, she had JUST had a bath) and all over her pretty blanket. The photo shoot ended a little quicker than planned. If she's happy and awake later on, we'll try to get a few more. I also got a picture of her in her bathrobe and slippers. Again, poor timing on my part. I've been bragging about what a sweet baby she is and how she rarely cries. I wanted to post these just so you all know that she is a normal baby and does in fact cry from time to time. As soon as the picture was taken, she quit crying and has been cuddling with us ever since, so rest assured, she's back to her happy self now.

Happy One Month, Campbell!

10 Fingers, 10 Toes, 2 Chins

Campbell is 4 weeks old today. At birth, she weighed 7 pounds, 5.8 ounces. Today at her doctor's appointment, she weighed 9 pounds, 11 ounces! It didn't take a scale for us to know she was packing on the pounds. Sweet little Campbell is getting round cheeks, a second chin, little chubby arms and legs, and a Buddha belly. We love it - just great signs that she's healthy and growing. The pediatrician just laughs and says - wow, ok, so we're obviously doing fine with the feedings. I am hoping that she's taking away all my extra pounds, I'd be more than happy to give them to my daughter. She needs them - I do not!

This week it was fantastic to have my mom here. She left just before the doctor's appointment. Over the past few days, we practiced running errands with the baby. It is NOT easy! We managed to get out several times, and each time I'd let my mom help less so I could try to figure out how I'd do it on my own. I got a little better at the whole infant seat thing (man, that thing is freakishly heavy) and decided a purse and a diaper bag is too much. I've never been one to have fancy designer purses, so it was with little regret that I left my Target purse at home today and threw my few essentials into the diaper bag. I installed the mirror in the backseat so when I'm driving, I can see Campbell in the rear view mirror. With all that preparation and practice, Campbell and I did just fine on our solo outing. I will choose carefully for sure when I decide to go out with her - some places are easier than others. The grocery store was tough even with my mom's help. With Campbell in the cart, there was no room for anything! Poor thing had Chips Ahoy sitting on her legs. :) And as if the store itself isn't enough of a challenge, getting home and unloading the car is no walk in the park when you have a baby to tend to. Mom and I also took Campbell to the mall just to walk around and get exercise since it was cold and windy outside. That went well, and is definitely something I can do on my own. I have to make a pact to stay away from the food court and from the stores since I'm trying to lose the baby weight and save money...so it will take some willpower. Who knew I'd someday be a mall walker????

I know all I talk about is the baby these days. Or really not just these days, since I found out I was pregnant. Prior to having a baby, I liked to think I wouldn't be someone who would only use words like "poopie", "paci", and "princess angel peanut babycakes sweetie pie" in conversation. But...now that Campbell is here, she's my world. And especially in these early days when all I do is take care of her. I really have nothing else to talk about! So anyway, I will just embrace my "poopie" world and enjoy it and hope my new vocabulary doesn't annoy anyone too much. My sister gave me this really cute book called "Princess Baby" that is all about all the stupid names parents make up to call their babies. Guilty!! Why I can't just call her Campbell all the time, who knows??

Speaking of the baby, Campbell's little whine is slowly turning into a cry, so I am off to check on my princess angel peanut babycakes sweetie pie.

Back to Reality

The real fun begins tomorrow. It's back to reality for Travis, he has to return to work after being off for three weeks. That means I get to discover what my new reality is - being home alone with a newborn. I'm sure in some ways Travis is looking forward to going back. It's hard to sit inside the house for days on end, especially when it's wintertime and gloomy out. I'm sure it'll be nice to put on real clothes and get back into a routine. But when I tell him this theory, he says yeah it probably will be nice...for a few hours. :) I'm nervous about him being gone during the day, but I have back-up this week! My mom is coming back tomorrow afternoon and staying for several days to help me in the transition. Thank goodness for that. I honestly think I could have it under control, but it will be much nicer to ease into it. Campbell and I will have a good 6 hours or so on our own tomorrow after Travis goes to work and before my mom gets here. So we'll see just how ready I am! I am definitely coming down with a case of cabin fever. Since the pediatrician gave us the green light, I intend to get out with her as much as possible. Granted we can't leave for more than a couple hours since she eats so often. And I am going to have to get creative since most 'getting out of the house' involves shopping. I need to find errands to run and things to do that don't involve a debit card!! On top of all that, I need to remember that I'm getting a fraction of the sleep that I used to. I push through it, but I'm pretty exhausted, and that's probably going to multiply when I am here on my own during the day. So...tonight we are going to eat the dinner that our friends Drew and Holly brought us last night. I just finished undecorating the tree and Travis is going to take it down after dinner. Then we'll try to relax and hit the bed early so we can each be ready for a large dose of reality first thing in the morning. Wish us both luck!!

Yesterday we took Campbell for her first portraits! Of course I made the appointment for 9:30 a.m. Stupid!! When my alarm went off at 8:30, all three of us were sleeping soundly after a long night. It seemed so cruel to have to get up - but I'm glad we did. They got some adorable pictures of Campbell. She was awake the whole time and didn't cry at all! I was a little nervous about having her at the studio with a gazillion kids running around because kids are so germy. And also nervous about sitting Campbell on their blankets and their backdrops. I am FAR from a germophobe (come to my house, you'll see I'm not neurotic at all about cleaning)...but the hospital and the pediatricians have a nice way of scaring you to death about exposing them to sickness at this young age. We did our best and she's fine and we got super cute pictures to show for it! A few of my favorites are below. We ordered a ton of these in black and white. These are the proofs before any cropping - so the pictures themselves may not be perfect. But of course I think the baby is. :) Oh and one more thing. When we hold Campbell up on our shoulder, she is able to lift her head and turn it from side to side. It's amazing how these tiny little feats are so entertaining to us!